dear heart:
some anniversary... wut a very stupid day... i was just hoping for so much more to come out of it... but nothing... wasted... i cant even begin to share my disappointment in people... how selfish they can be... they don't think about what others had to go through to get where they are today... and wen you're almost there... all they can think of is themselves... and i know it will always be like this... i will always be selfless and giving... while he is selfish n taking... taking away my life... slowly... sucking away my breath... and im just giving up... im letting him have me... my life... my opinions... and i cant stop... please save me... just grab my hand... and pull me away from him... and his love... that i want oh so much... oh nevermind... so many hands are being offered... all my friends are telling me where to go... what to do... they will pull me out if i want them to... but i dont want them to... cuz im happy in this sweet pain... well not happy but im used to it n i can take it... for just a little longer... but a new year is drawing near... n i wont be the same girl then... if things havent changed for the better... then guess what? it never will... i'll throw that fone away if he doesnt take it back...pack up his stuff... and hide it away... no pictures of him for awhile... and then i change my cell number... its as simple as that... i can forget people... ive done it so many times before... yes there are times when some sunlight gets inside the craphole and u remember... but it doesnt last long... im so good at forgetting people... its funny... maybe one day i'll be ready to talk to him... but thats wen i get over him... n thas a different story... forgetting is one thing... but getting over sumone is hard... so not seeing them... talking to them... is just what i need... i hope i dont have to resort to forgetting... cuz im so content on remembering and making more memories to remember...
dear heart:
i don't pity girls anymore... they are just morons... unthinking idiots who value love more than friendship... its so damn difficult to find a decent friend these days... im at the end of this rapidly swinging rope... and ive just about had enough... of you... of her... of him... of them... of fucking everything! i can do so much better without any of you... ive got a handful of damn good-ass friends... just a handful n thats more than enough... people just make me so mad sometimes... so much dishonesty in this world... and wuts worse is its coming from mouths that i thought i could trust... ew.. fuck that... friends... they don't know what the hell that means...
dear heart:
the end it's finally reached the end... all the problems... the tears... it's all over... and i feel free... i don't have to worry about you anymore... about what you're doing... don't have to wonder if you're hurting me again... and intentionaly breaking my heart... cuz you don't have my heart anymore... it's mine... and im really gonna hold on to it tight... i'll die first from this ovarian disease than have my heart broken again... not by you... not by anyone... it's my turn to break hearts... my turn not to have a conscience... to fuck up people's lives for my own convenience... ya.. i can be like you... don't doubt my powers... anyone can be evil... it's easier if you've been hurt... cuz you want to see other's feel what you did... so they will understand... it hurts... lying hurts... cheating hurts... secrets hurt... and maybe... just maybe... they won't do that to anyone else cuz they know wut it's like... fuck him... he had to break my heart cuz sumone long ago fucked up on him... he had to make me suffer her consequences... i was just his convenience girl... he's lonely- im there... he's horny- im there... he's unloved- im there... but when a better substitute comes along... he jumps on that ass like an ant on candy... and im so fucking sick of it... IM NOT A DAMN TOY! im human... i have feelings... i bleed when you prick me... and im disgusted looking back at how u treated me... u selfish bastard... u took advantage of me because i loved you... damn this anger is tight... for once in my life i can see what's been going on... and the anger i feel is a different kind... not the scared, i-wonder-where-he-is anger... but the empowering anger... the kind that makes me see what he's put me through... the kind that doesn't make me blind to love... for once i can see things the way they really are... the pain that i've been denying for so long... its all hitting me... it really happened... and i will be ok without him... im so much better without him... and somehow i will live through this alone... and yes i am finally free...
dear heart:
life is so hard for girls... that's what i notice... and it comes so easily for guys... i mean seriously... guys just break you and tear your heart to shreds... i think i have the strength to fight it... to just walk away... to leave... to never turn back... to not take that kind of treatment from a guy... but then he says those words... those enchanted words that make you forget... "im sorry"... so when he says it, no matter how hurt i was or angry i am... i say "its ok"... because i dont hear him say it that much... and i believe he really is sorry... but then he hurts you again... and again... and you wonder when's it gonna stop? when am i going to be strong enough to answer with a "its not ok this time. bye"... that'll be the day... the only reason why those words are rare from that mouth is mostly… most fights... even when its not my fault... i say sorry...call me stupid but i just get so tired of fighting... and i dont wanna hang up like he does... cuz that just builds up more frustration... ugh! hanging up... he knows i hate that shit... but he does it anyway... and he keeps on doing it.. keeps walking away from his problems... would rather just stop n hang up... instead of talking about it and working it out... one day... im serious... one day he'll walk away from me... and im not gonna stop him... im not gonna say sorry... im gonna let him go... let him walk away... he thinks im gonna run after him but he's wrong... he’ll reach for my hand… expecting it to be open and waiting for his… but it wont be… he might turn around and see me walking the other way… with my back turned to him… i wont even watch him walk out of my life...
DeaR HeaRT:
iF Ya'LL DiDN'T KNoW... We HaVe a PoeTRy SeCTioN NoW...
THeRe'S NoT MuCH aT THiS MoMeNT... BuT i aSSuRe You... THe GReaTeST MiNDS aRe CooKiNG...
dear heart:
thank you... for all you've done for me... i don't know how i would have made it this far without you... no one listens to me like you do... no one can ever be as understanding and unjudging as you... you know what it feels like to be hurt... you feel it every time some careless boy breaks my heart... every time i look into his eyes... every time i see the happiness that people share cuz i know i will never have that again... you've been with me through all that... through my smiles and tears... i tell you things i wish ppl around me could hear... the things they try to avoid talkign with me about... those cowards... im not afraid to cry... to have feelings and telling about it... i know im weak... but dammit i know theres a strong girl hiding inside me somewhere... she just doesnt come out very often... but i have seen her in action... oh and you've helped her along... through all that shit... even when everything seemed hopeless... i found strength... in you... in this... in writing... i can wake up everyday and deal with the problems the world throws at me... and all because i am certain that someone is there to hear about it... i wanna be remembered... i wanna remember myself... as i was then, as i am now, and as i will be in the future... i wanna look back to all my tears and laugh... or cry along with myself... i dont want to forget what pain i went through... cuz thats the stuff i learn from... to know better next time... to better understand myself... and no matter what people say... or how much they threaten... i will never give you up... cuz you are all i've got... you're the only one who wont hurt me... betray me... or lie to me... you just listen... and i thank you... you are my strength... you are me... and thats something i wont ever lose... to anyone or for anyone...
dear heart:
check out the address to this site... notice the "love sucks" implied above... it was never fully explained so i volunteered to do it... love sucks... and this is why... when a person loves... wait... let me rephrase that... when i love... i give that person everything... my love... my time... all the me i can give to someone else... but then sometimes the one you love can look at what you have to offer and see nothing... you have nothing... i have nothing to bring to the relationship... and it sucks because i am completely helpless... what can i do? how can i change the person i am? the person who lives in me... the person who is me? and why would u want me to? it's just ironic for me... because when i love... i give and give... im selfless... but i get nothing in return... not even love... the only thing i wish for... the only thing i need and crave... its my heroine... love... and its temporary high... please... i have explained to you what makes love suck... but can someone tell me why it does... why it has to be like this... why it has to make me feel this way... why it hurts so damn much... and why do i still want it after all it does to me... i love him... but the thought of him gives me convulsions... does that make any sense? i didnt think so... i sit there thinking of happy things... but sumhow they all lead to him... to thoughts of him... and what he did... and there it goes... the tears well up in my eyes once again... and i am exposed... everyone sees i am not strong... that the stupid smile i carry is not real... im terrified of getting hurt again... so paranoia builds... in that deep corner of my mind where i prefer not to visit... until it explodes to all the other parts of my thoughts... infecting what little joy i still hold dear...
im sorry... if i ruin everything... i ruin it because of you... please don't blame me... its all your fault... you did this...
dear heart:
life is short... you live to die... what if life went backwards... die first, get it out of the way... then you should live 20 years in an old-age home... you get kicked out when your too young... you get a gold watch, you go to work... you work for 40 years until your young enough to enjoy your retirement... you go to college, you party until you're ready for high school...hang out with your friends... you become a little kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little boy or girl, then you go back into the womb... You spend your last nine months floating... and you finish off as a gleam in someone's eye...
+Im lost, trying to find myself in a world where no one knows who they are+
thats someone's profile... think about it
DeaR HeaRT:
aT a KiCK BaCK RiGHT NoW... i'M JuST SNeaKiNG iNTo THe RooM To WRiTe... THeRe CaN Be SoMe eXTReMeLy SCaRy DRuNK PeoPLe... QuiTe... BuT THeN THeRe iS oNe WaLLFLoWeR THaT i'Ve MaDe eYe CoNTaCT WiTH SeVeRaL TiMeS... He'S ouT oF PLaCe... i CaN FeeL iT... aND HiM BeiNG THe oNLy NoN-aSiaN WouLD DeFiNiTeLy PRoVe My PoiNT... BuT He SMiLeS... aT Me... aND He KNoWS i'M aS MuCH ouT oF PLaCe aS He iS... i'M SoBeR... i'M NoT HiGH oR BuZZeD... i'M JuST WaNDeRiNG aRouND... SeaRCHiNG FoR NoBoDieS LiKe Me... aND THeRe He iS... WiTH THoSe DeeP SeT eYeS aND THaT SeRiouS LooK... WiTH THoSe eYeBRoWS THaT aLWayS LooK CoNFuSeD... i'Ve SeeN You BeFoRe... BuT i NeVeR eXPeCTeD To MeeT You HeRe... We BoTH CaN SeNSe HoW MuCH We DoN'T BeLoNG... BuT SiNCe He MaKeS No aDVaNCe ToWaRDS THe oTHeR NoBoDy... i'M FoRCeD To Go iNTo HiDiNG... iN a BeDRooM... WiTH a CoMPuTeR aLReaDy TuRNeD oN aND CoNNeCTeD By CaBLe oR DSL... ReaDy FoR Me... i WiLL Go BaCK NoW... HoPe My RiDe WiLL Be DoNe CuDDLiNG oN THe CouCH aND TaKe Me HoMe... oR FoR "RoBBie" To GaiN THe CouRaGe To TaLK To oTHeRS LiKe HiM... Me...
DeaR HeaRT:
ToNiGHT'S My NiGHT... uNLiKe MaNy oTHeR NiGHTS... i CaN eNJoY MySeLF... i'LL Be DoiNG My THiNG... aND i'M SuRe He'S DoiNG HiS... aND FRaNKLy My DeaR WaTSoN, THaT'S a ReLieF... i NeeD To LiVe My LiFe... CaN'T WaiT aRouND FoR HiM FoReVeR... BuT You KNoW iF He DoeS CoMe BaCK... i'LL WeLCoMe HiM WiTH oPeN aRMS... i CaN'T SToP My LiFe FoR HiM aNyMoRe... i'M So SiCK oF PuTTiNG eVeRyTHiNG oN HoLD FoR HiM... He NeVeR aSKeD Me To, So WHy THe HeCK aM i DoiNG iT? WHaT? i'M No MaRTyR oF LoVe... i DoN'T NeeD To MaKe aLL THeSe SaCRaFiCeS... i JuST DoN'T... i'M ouT oF TeaRS... i'M ouT oF eXCuSeS... i'M ouT oF SMiLeS... i'M ouT oF LoVe... i'M JuST So eMPTy aND DRaiNeD THaT i NeeD a SuRGe oF eMPoWeRMeNT... FRoM aNyTHiNG... MaYBe FRoM MySeLF... DeeP DoWN iNSiDe... i KNoW THeRe'S SoMeTHiNG THeRe... MaYBe SoMeTHiNG a LiTTLe SPeCiaL... aND i NeeD To FiND iT... So oTHeRS CaN TaKe NoTiCe oF My iNSiGNiFiCaNT LiFe aND FoR oNCe... WaNT iT... WaNT Me...
dear heart:
i don't even know how to say this to you... but remember that one time you said we'd get back together when things returned to the way they were... well no matter how much i love you... and want to believe everything will be ok... i know deep in my heart we're never going to be what we used to be... i am never going to be able to look at you the same way... with the same unconditional trust... because the naive eyes that were once neatly placed on my face have been riped out by your betrayal... maybe i do believe that you're not stupid enough to do it again... i say good for you... don't do it again... its a lucky thing for your next girlfriend... but frankly i dont want to find out if thats true or not... especially if its not... i don't deserve to be treated this way... no one does... and no matter how much you love me or how much i will always love you... i hafto do this for myself... i feel it best to just not see each other anymore... i know you'll find some way of making me fall in love with you all over again... and i can't put myself through that again... we can try to be friends but we both know how hard that is... i can't be next to you and not want to hold your hand... or kiss your lips... or want your arms around me... i just can't do it... we've been through too much... we'll probably end up mad at each other every time we hear about other people... and one day we'll be so sick of fighting that we'll stop calling each other... then before you know it, we forget about each other... and i'll be just another name in your list of lovers... it's sad to think about it... i dont even want to have to think about something like that.... but you still hurt me... even though you don't mean to... just the thought of you can bring a smile to my face and at the same time bring a tear to my eye... its too confusing... like everything else... i just dont want to have to deal with it... we need a new start with other people... because my heart is still bleeding... the wound might close up one day... but the scar will always be there... to remind me... so i wont forget... wont allow myself to make the same mistakes... being with you... seeing you... loving you... all those things just open it back up... and im tired of hurting... of still crying at night... thinking of what i did wrong... and why of all people it was you who did it to me... i need to get away from us... i love you, ok? i don't know how many times i hafto repeat that for you to understand that its not what you may think... i know you... in your mind... you think its about another guy... or something to that nature... but its not... it has nothing to do with anyone else... its all about me and how i feel about you... well maybe not just that... but its you and me, hun... no one else...
i dont know... is this how i feel? am i ready to let him go? can i let him go? do i want to let him go? no... i dont...
DeaR HeaRT:
WHy aM i So HuNGRy FoR LoVe? i THiNK BeCauSe He DoeSN'T LoVe Me THaT i'M WoRTHLeSS... I THiNK BeCauSe He DoeSN'T WaNT Me aNyMoRe THaT He'S RiGHT... THaT HiS JuDGeMeNT aND oPiNioN oF Me aRe CoRReCT... iF He THRoWS Me ouT THeN i'M GaRBaGe... i THiNK He BeLoNGS To Me... BuT oNLY CuZ i WaNT To BeLoNG To HiM... i SHouLDN'T... "BeLoNG" iS a BaD WoRD... eSPeCiaLLy WHeN You PuT iT WiTH SoMeBoDy You LoVe... LoVe SHouLDN'T Be LiKe THaT... You CaN'T oWN a HuMaN BeiNG... You CaN'T LoSe WHaT You DoN'T oWN... WHaT iF i DiD oWN HiM... CouLD i ReaLLy LoVe SoMeBoDy WHo WaS aBSoLuTeLy No oNe WiTHouT Me? WouLD i ReaLLY WaNT SoMeoNe LiKe THaT? SoMeBoDy WHo FaLLS aPaRT WHeN i WaLK ouT THe DooR... i DoN'T... aND NeiTHeR DoeS He... i'M TuRNiNG My WHoLe LiFe To HiM... aND iF iT MeaNS So LiTTLe To Me THaT i CaN JuST GiVe iT aWaY... HaND iT To HiM... THeN WHy SHouLD iT MeaN aNy MoRe To HiM? He CaN'T VaLue Me MoRE THaN i VaLue MySeLF...
PeoPLe LooK aT Me aND THiNK, "PReTTy GiRL. PooR LiTTLe PReTTy GiRL... WHo WaNTeD To KiLL FoR LoVe... Die FoR LoVe..."
WHiLe i THiNK, " LooK aT Me... No WoNDeR He DiDN'T LoVe Me... i LooK LiKe HeR... THaT STuPiD, FaT GiRL iN THe MiRRoR... i'D HaTe Me Too iF i WaS HiM... i HaVe NoTHiNG LeFT To LiVe FoR iF He DoeSN'T LoVe Me... i aM WiLLiNG To SaCRaFiCe My LiFe FoR THe SaKe oF LoVe... My LoVe... THaT He WiLL uNDeRSTaND WHaT He LoST..."
BuT i JuST NeeD To uNDeRSTaND iT'S NoT aBouT DyiNG FoR LoVe... BuT LiViNG FoR iT... To MaKe HiM ReaLiZe iNSTeaD To WHaT He HaD, aND WHaT He CouLD STiLL HaVe... MayBe eVeN a BeTTeR Me... WHo CHaNGeD FoR MySeLF... aND LiVeD FoR MySeLF...NoT HiM... THaT i DoN'T NeeD HiM... WHy WouLD You WaNT To Be WiTH SoMeoNe WHo DiDN'T WaNT To Be WiTH You? iT'S JuST CoMMoN SeNSe... iF You'Re NoT eNouGH THeN... You NeVeR WiLL Be eNouGH... LiKe He WLL NeVeR Be eNouGH...
(SoNG oF SoLoMoN)...
Dear Heart,
In a world filled with happiness,hope,love,pain,grieving, ect... I feel as if I am lost.These people around are so..lost within themselves.I've found myself lost trying to be like them and lost trying to be unlike them.Somehow I found a way to be found by looking into his eyes.He changes me when I'm around him, its as if I am back in their world. Without him I feel lost again.I try to think about what is it to be with him when i'm not but somehow it's not the same. I need to find my way back to their world, I want to be found forever.
DeaR HeaRT:
THiS iS DeDiCaTeD To aLL THoSe WHo KNoWS WHaT uNReQuiTeD LoVe HuRTS LiKe...
on my own, pretending he's beside me
all alone i walk with him till morning
without him, i feel his arms around me
and when i lose my way i close my eyes and he has found me
in the rain the pavement shines like silver
all the lights are misty in the river
in the darkness the trees are full of starlight
and all i see is him and me forever and forever
and i know its only in my mind
that im talking to myself and not to him
and although i know that he is blind
still i say theres a way for us
i love him but when the night is over
he is gone, the river's just a river
without him the world around me changes
the trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers
without me his world will go on turning
the world is full of happiness that i have never known
i love him, i love him... but only on my own...
dear heart:
(sigh) actually thats a good sigh... the sweetest thing ever happened to me... well not really the sweetest... but close enough... i dont know if he read my mind... i didnt think he even thought of me much... but just right now... he suprised me... he called me while i was on the phone... i was excited enough that he called... imagine my suprise when he told me he wasn't home... i was expecting a reply of being at "ben's" house or somewhere else besides the place he was really at... when i asked him where he was again, he reved (<-- is that how u spell it?) up his car... i heard it over the phone... and outside my house... om my goodness... so i ran outside and there he was... with the smile that i love... i didn't even think... i just hugged him and kissed him the way i was so used to... nothing before that moment mattered... he was here... and that was ALL that really mattered to me... yes i almost forgive you... almost... weeks of no contact... that made me believe you had forgotten about me... or hated me for all the times i hung up on you... or all the fights i'd start... but you came... you actually came... and i remembered why i loved you so much... why i love you so much... those little things that you do... things i dont have to tell u to do... but u just do it cuz i guess you love me in a way =) im not saying we're getting back together... we're far from that right now... i just want him to be part of my life... because in all honesty i still do love him...
dear heart:
ok... i'll admit it... i miss him, ok? don't look down upon me... i really can't help it... i wish i could hear his voice... hear the words he used to say... the way he used to say them to me... even though they were all lies... they were sweet to drink... i could never get enough of them... "would i be out of line if i said... i miss you...?" i'm trying not to feel so alone... and im definitely trying my best NOT to miss him... it hurts so damn much... oh hunny... will i ever see you again? will i ever be held in those arms of yours... or put to bed with your gentle voice...? i miss you... in all the ways a person could miss another... my heart is so filled with emptiness... it feels like its going to explode from such a void... oh i'd give anything to see him again... please... but i cant call him... cant drive up there to see him... im stuck here... powerless... with myself... alone... very alone... without him... still trying to prove to everyone how strong i am... even though im not when it comes to "him"... i don't want to be alone anymore... but unless im with you... i'll always be alone...
DeaR HeaRT:
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
And as I climb into an empty bed
Oh well. Enough said.
I know it's over - still I cling
I don't know where else I can go
Oh ...
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
See, the sea wants to take me
The knife wants to slit me
Do you think you can help me ?
Sad veiled bride, please be happy
Handsome groom, give her room
Loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly
(Though she needs you
More than she loves you)
And I know it's over - still I cling
I don't know where else I can go
Over and over and over and over
Over and over, la ...
I know it's over
And it never really began
But in my heart it was so real
And you even spoke to me, and said :
"If you're so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
And if you're so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very entertaining
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very good-looking
Why do you sleep alone tonight ?
I know ...
'Cause tonight is just like any other night
That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they're in each other's arms..."
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes strength to be gentle and kind
Over, over, over, over
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes guts to be gentle and kind
Over, over
Love is Natural and Real
But not for you, my love
Not tonight, my love
Love is Natural and Real
But not for such as you and I, my love
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my ...
dear heart:
i'm just sitting at home... thinking about him again... no... not the him i always think of... but the him i don't even know yet... if i saw you... would i know? have i already met you? (sigh) he's gotta be out there... i can just feel it... i can feel him longing for me... the same way ive longed for him... when will i know who you are? is this life's present for us? we go through so much drama in life... but to compensate for all the tears we get "the one"... who will make all that worth it... it's just a matter of time and luck that we find that person... and in my case... i would prefer to meet him sooner than later... so i wont have to go through all this heartbreak if its not gonna matter in the end... so right now...
or have i found him already...?
DeaR HeaRT:
oH My GooDNeSS! i HaD So MuCH FuN ToDaY!! HeeHee... aND GaRReTT iS So FuDGiNg HoTT!!! i SWeaR! THaT HaiR... THaT SMiLe... THaT LooK... oH My GooDNeSS! i CouLD JuST Die... BuT iN a GooD WaY... i CaN'T SToP SMiLiNG...
i SWeaR THiS iS WHaT i FeeL LiKe... HeeHee oR SaYiNG "YeaH!" i HaVeN'T eVeR ReaLLy aDMiTTeD a GuY'S HoTTNeSS 'TiLL NoW... GueSS i'Ve BeeN So STuCK oN "Joe"... BuT THeRe aRe MoRe GuYS ouT THeRe... oNe'S WHo CaN NeVeR Be HiM... aND oNe'S He WiLL NeVeR Be... i DoN'T LiKe GaRReTT oR aNyTHiNG... He'S JuST YuMMy eYe-CaNDy... He aLWaYS FLiRTeD WiTH Me BeFoRe... aND He aLWaYS SMiLeD aT Me... NoW He CoNVeRSaTeD WiTH Me... He eVeN uTTeReD My NaMe... (TooK a BReaTH) JuST a SMaLL BuRST oF JoY DoN'T HuRT aT aLL... HeeHee... o HaPPy DaY... PLeaSe ViSiT Me MoRe oFTeN...
DeaR HeaRT:
aCTuaLLy THiS iS FoR aNyoNe WHo ReaDS THiS BLoG... i'M MaKiNG THiS a JoiNT BLoG... MeaNiNG MoRe PeoPLe CaN WRiTe iN THiS BeSiDeS uS THRee... You NeeD To e-MaiL uS!! GiVe uS a SaMPLe oF YouR WRiTiNG... aBouT aNyTHiNG aND We'LL ReSPoND iF You QuaLiFy... uNDeRSTaND THiS iS QuiTe eXCLuSiVe So aCCePTaNCe iS LiMiTeD aND VeRy RaRe... BaSiCaLLy iF YoU GeT iN, FeeL SPeCiaL... iF You WaNNa KNoW RuLeS, NeeD MoRe iNFo, oR iF You HaVe aNy QueSTioNS:
FeeL FRee To e-MaiL uS THaNKS... We'Re LooKiNG FoRWaRD To HeaRiNG FRoM Ya'LL...
Dear Heart,
So sad, I look so bad. One of the greatest inventions, the black eyeliner is lost. Where could it be? I hope it's safe. I could always use my mom's but I just feel like I need my friend back. It's a tragedy how it's lost but its not the first. Please heart help me find my friend!
DeaR HeaRT:
i'M oFF To PaRTy! HeHe... (GaSP) CHeCK iT ouT! i'M WeaRiNG BLue... aND NoT My TRaDiTioNaL PiNK... aNyWaiSH... THaNK GoD i'M NoT aN uNTHiNKaBLe... YeSSS! i aM NoRMaL... NoT ReaLLy... BuT THaT'S aLRiGHT... i HaTe eVeRyoNe aNyWaY... WHy WouLD i WaNT To Be LiKe THeM? i'M PeRFeCTLy CoNTeNT BeiNG Me... i DoN'T LiKe MySeLF VeRY MuCH MoST oF THe TiMe... BuT i HaVe PRoGReSSeD... i uSeD To HaTe MySeLF MoRe THaN aNyoNe eLSe... THeN iT eVoLVeD To eXTReMe DiSLiKe... aND NoW THaNK GoD iT HaS ReDuCeD To NoT LiKiNG MySeLF VeRy MuCH... So See... i'M iMPRoViNG... aReN'T You PRouD oF Me? MaYBe oNe FaTeFuL DaY i WiLL LeaRN To LiKe MySeLF... aND MiRaCuLouSLy THRouGH THaT... MaYBe eND uP eVeN (GaSP) LoViNG MySeLF... THaT WouLD Be THe DaY...
i NeeD To FeeL PReTTy ToDaY... C'MoN GuYS... HeLP Me ouT... WaTCH ouT CuZ PiNK iS oN LeaVe... SHe'S ouT oF THe aSYLuM FoR oNe NiGHT... aND SHe WiLL HaVe THe TiMe oF HeR LiFe... eNJoY HeR WHiLe You CaN... GooDNeSS i SouND LiKe a PRoSTiTuTe! HaHa.... WeLL i'M GoNNa HaVe FuN ToNiGHT aND No oNe iS STaNDiNG iN My Way...
Dear Heart,
Well here I am. Not like it's anything great but ya know, what are ya gonna do.Life is so difficult. Now I know why people kill themselves this world is so unlivable. I cant stand to live with these people whom I cant stand! Today my good friend made me go bolistic on her. She tries to act like she's all that when her only friends are around. I hate people like that. I dont know what to do about my whole love situation.Im confused this kid"Kevin" is said to like me and I cant stand him he's not my type. What shall I do? My head is starting to spin........
DeaR HeaRT:
oK... i HaVe SoMe GooD NeWS... We HaVe a NeW CHaRaCTeR CoMMiTTeD iN THiS aSYLuM... SHe WiLL aPPeaR WHeN SHe FiNDS iT aPPRoPRiaTe... aNyWaY... oNe WoRD... CRiSiS! i THiNK i'M BeCoMiNG THe uNTHiNKaBLe... i SHuDDeR aT THe THouGHT... LooK... i'Ve CoNTRaCTeD THe DeaDLy DiSeaSe... aCTuaLLy a SyNDRoMe... eVeR HeaRD oF PMS? TRy PHS... CHeCK ouT THe *NeW* LuNaTiCTioNaRY aT THe eND oF THiS PaGe... YeS... i HaVe aQuiReD iT aND NoW iT'S iMPoSSiBLe To CuRe MySeLF oF SuCH FaTaLiTy... So BaSiCaLLy i'M aFRaiD oF BeCoMiNG aN uNTHiNKaBLe... aKK! i DoN'T eVeN WaNT To Be PaRT THaT... i TRiED To SeeK GuiDaNCe FRoM NoN-FRieNDS BuT SoMe CaN Be Sooo iMMaTuRe... eSPeCiaLLy THe HiM'S... THeY aRe oF No HeLP WHaTSoeVeR... i'M TiReD aND i'M STReSSeD... LeaVe Me aLoNe... i STiLL CaN'T Be LiKe eVeRyoNe eLSe...
DeaR HeaRT:
a SoNG... By FaiTH eVaNS :: aLoNe iN THiS WoRLD
It’s over now, I can’t compete
I don’t know how I’m still standing on my feet
So turned around and incomplete
I’m not that happy woman that I used to be
Oh, please tell me what did you mean
When you said that you were mine, you knew that was a lie
But in your heart you know that truth
And I’m trying to forget
All the things you put me through (Oh baby)
I never thought you’d turn your back
And walk away from love like that
While I was holding on to you
All you did was let me go
I never thought I would regret
The way I felt when we first met
And now I’m standing here
Alone in this world, alone
It’s over now, we can’t go on
In my eyes I thought that you could do no wrong
It’s no surprise we both belong
Because of you my heart’s singing us that song
I can’t believe our love is over now
Where did love go
And why did I believe that we would be together forever
Now it’s all a memory
I never thought you’d turn you back
And walk away from love like that
While I was holding on to you
All you did was let me go
I never thought I would regret
The way I felt when we first met
And now I’m standing here
Alone in this world, alone
dear heart:
i dont think i will ever be good enough... for him... for my parents... for anyone! no really... if you knew me... you know i try my ultimate best... but sumhow its STILL not enough... why do i feel like my writing wont be dramatic today... because i am nothing... i can accomplish nothing in spite of all my tireless efforts... i should just give up one day... see what everyone says... i will tell them... you make me feel worthless...
DeaR HeaRT:
HaHa... i HaVe FiNaLLy ReTuRNeD... aND iTS NoT a PReTTy PiCTuRe... So MuCH HaS HaPPeNeD... "Joe" CaN KiSS My aSS... BuT He'S Too BuSy WiTH HeR aSS... DiSGuSTiNG... HeR uGLy, SKiNNy aSS... WHo DoeS SHe THiNK SHe iS? THaT NoN-FRieND HaS BeCoMe THe TaRGeT oF My WRaTH... SHe KNeW eVeRyTHiNG i FeLT... BuT SHe HaD To Go aND FaLL FoR HiM aNyWay... oN PuRPoSe, i BeT... To HuRT Me... My SToRieS HaVe CauGHT HeR iNTeReST... aND NoW SHe WaNTS To FeeL WHaT i HaVe BeeN So oBSeSSeD aBouT... HiS LoVe... BuT iN HeR CaSe, iT'S MiNuS aLL THe PaiN... HeaRTaCHe... TeaRS... FRuSTRaTioN...
i THiNK SKiNNy GiRLS aRe GiVeN a STeP aBoVe uS NoN-aNoReXiC GiRLS... oR "HeaLTHY" GiRLS... THe WoRD GiVeS Me CHiLLS... GuYS SHouLD WaLK aRouND WiTH CoNDoMS oN THeiR HeaDS... CuZ iF TheY aRe GoNNa aCT LiKe DiCKS THeY MiGHT aS WeLL DReSS LiKe oNe...
Do You KNoW HoW LaTe THeY STaYeD uP LaST NiGHT? FReaKiN 12:30 iN THe aM... WHaT THe HeCK CouLD THeY Be DoiNG THaT LaTe aT NiGHT... aND He ProBaBLy TooK HeR HoMe Too... GooDNiGHT KiSSeS aRe THe WoRST... eSPeCiaLLy iF You'Re NoT THe oNe GeTTiNG iT... i HoPe THeY aRe aLL iN LoVe... So THeY CaN MaKe LoVe... aND MaKE a "Joe" Jr THaTS aS MuCH oF aN iDioT aS He iS aND HiS uGLy MoMMa...
He CaN Do WHaTeVeR He WaNTS... He'S NoT MiNe... TRyiNG To CLaiM SoMeTHiNG THaT WaS NeVeR MiNe... VeRy PooR FoRM... i JuST DoN'T WaNT To CaRe aNYMoRe... aBouT HiM... aBouT THeM... THeY aRe NoT WoRTH My eNeRGy... THeN PLeaSe SToP ToRTuRiNG Me WiTH YouR TaLeS oF HaPPiNeSS... i DoN'T WaNT To KNoW... i ReaLLy DoN'T...
dear heart:
Dear Lie
You suck
You said you could fix anything
Instead I'm fucked
You made things even worse for me
If I had balls I'd tell you get away from me
Guess I'm not smart
I let you unnerve me
I let you control me
Afraid the truth would hurt me
When it's you that hurts me more
Get outta my mouth
Get outta my head
Get outta my mind
Stop puttin' words in my head
Get outta my mouth
You're nothing but trouble
Get outta my life
Get out of me
Out of me (out of me)
Out of me
Out of me lie
Lie lie lie lie
Dear lie
You're dumb
You think you've got the best of me
You think you won
Misread my vulnerability
I've got your walls
Now get the hell away from me
I've learned your art
Won't let you unnerve me
Won't let you control me
The truth will only free me
And your lies won't hurt no
No more
Lie lie
I've got
Your walls
Now get the hell away from me
I learned your art
Won't let you unnerve me
Wont' let you control me
The truth will only free me
And your lies won't hurt no
No more
my theme song of the day... trying to de-stress myself by writing my feelings... yes im quite emotionless at the moment... which is a good thing considering what may be happening this very minute... things i dont even want to think about... things i wont think about... i have surges of anger rising up from inside me... i want to talk to millions of guys... want to break their hearts... i want to feel lips... unfamiliar lips... i want to be touched by other hands... i want to feel love... real love... love that wont hurt this much... love that leave happy tears... seriously... i cant wait to find it... oh another theme song: thanks to alex
My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry Cry.....
I was here
You were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind
For the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I'm down, I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down...
I guess I'm down...
To my last cry...
its bringing tears to my eyes... words exiting another persons lips... yes its the unsung words within my heart... words i wish that i could here and understand... who knows where he is right now... doing who knows wut with who knows who... im trying not to worry... cuz i have no reason to... im going to bed... waiting for another message from...
dear heart:
three days straight of the same continued arguement... its like the same conversation leading to the same damn fight everyday... things need to change in that area or we'll have to change something else... like maybe not talking anymore... he swears fighting all the time is worth it... maybe its better to stay away from each other because its so damn obvious being near each other results in pain... for both of us... hurtful words... truthful words we don't want to hear can come out... we torture each other with the past... past mistakes... things i dont think we can ever get over... im so tired of it all... it always seems better in the morning... but night changes something about us... our attitude... how we treat each other... stop cussing at me... it doesnt help... hanging up just evokes more frustration... i swear... one more of that and im not fucking calling him back...
oH My GooDNeSS! i HaD So MuCH FuN ToDaY!! HeeHee... aND GaRReTT iS So FuDGiNg HoTT!!! i SWeaR! THaT HaiR... THaT SMiLe... THaT LooK... oH My GooDNeSS! i CouLD JuST Die... BuT iN a GooD WaY... i CaN'T SToP SMiLiNG... 
i SWeaR THiS iS WHaT i FeeL LiKe... 
HeeHee oR SaYiNG "YeaH!" 
i HaVeN'T eVeR ReaLLy aDMiTTeD a GuY'S HoTTNeSS 'TiLL NoW... GueSS i'Ve BeeN So STuCK oN "Joe"... BuT THeRe aRe MoRe GuYS ouT THeRe... oNe'S WHo CaN NeVeR Be HiM... aND oNe'S He WiLL NeVeR Be... i DoN'T LiKe GaRReTT oR aNyTHiNG... He'S JuST YuMMy eYe-CaNDy... He aLWaYS FLiRTeD WiTH Me BeFoRe... aND He aLWaYS SMiLeD aT Me... NoW He CoNVeRSaTeD WiTH Me... He eVeN uTTeReD My NaMe... (TooK a BReaTH) JuST a SMaLL BuRST oF JoY DoN'T HuRT aT aLL... HeeHee... o HaPPy DaY... PLeaSe ViSiT Me MoRe oFTeN...
