Advantages... a. You have some one to manage your money. b. She always looks good. c. She makes your other niggas jealous. d. She makes you look good.
Disadvantages... a. When you get broke she'll be gone and take what you have left. b. She makes sure she has a child by you to sue you for child support. c. Once your nigga comes up she'll be on his arm the next day.
2. [ Ms. Freak ] (secret lover)
Advantages... a. She knows all the right positions. b. She'll try everything more than once. c. You're never unsatisfied. d. She'll do all the things your girl won't do. e. She doesn't mind being your freak, as long as she catches one too.
Disadvantages... a. Eventually, b/c she's a female, she'll end up catching feelings. b. She starts to act like she's your "main". c. She fucks wit ya boy and act like you in the wrong for telling her that she's a freak. d. Eventually her shit gets old. And you need a replacement.
3. [ Ms. Independent ]
Advantages... a. You don't have to worry about buying her anything. She got it. b. She's intelligent, sassy, confident and determined. c. She's great for (business) conversation. d. She keeps it real and has goals. e. She knows how to please a man.
Disadvantages... a. She will continuously let you know, that she can handle it on her own. b. She will eventually say fuck you and get a dildo. c. She will consider you another one her play toys, or goals.
4. [ Ms. Dyme ]
Advantages... a. She's top of the line. b. She stays looking like a fantasy. c. She has the body of a goddess with the face to match. d. She considers herself a "model" e. Gets you on hard whenever you see her. f. All the girls envy her, but she doesn't care.
Disadvantages... a. She's superficial. She cares only about her looks. b. She honestly lacks confidence and will annoy you about the way she looks. c. She's probably dumb as hell and if she's not her personality is dry. d. You have to constantly keep your game up b/c every nigga is gonna try to get her.
5. [ Ms. Tomboy ]
Advantages... a. She's cool and laid back. b. She'll be willing to play rough with you. c. Of course, she loves sports. d. Her body is athletically divine. e. She's easy to talk to and fun to be around. f. She's a diamond in the rough.
Disadvantages... a. She'll remind you too much of your nigga. b. She might not want to change her appearance. c. She might actually beat you in basketball, football and track.
6. [ Ms. Ghetto ]
Advantages... a. She's not afraid of any other female or male. She will fight to keep you. b. She's down for you. She'll be there to bail you out of jail. c. She's always stays fresh. d. She can cook up a storm. She can make the best out of a bad situation. e. She keeps it real and keeps you satisfied.
Disadvantages... a. She doesn't know how to act in public. b. Your mama can't stand her. c. You get into with her every other second. d. She's willing to fight another girl looking at you or her PERIOD. e. Her weave colors are distracting and her vocabulary is minimal.
7. [ Ms. Good Girl ]
Advantages... a. She's always there for you. b. She's intelligent, classy, kind, sweet and cool. c. Your mother loves her. d. You can see yourself falling in love with her. e. You are her first everything. f. She makes you feel like a man.
Disadvantages... a. She's an A or B situation either: A. You're not gonna get any until ya'll are married or B. She said she's never done or she said she's never tried it, she's sitting there telling a muthafuckin' lie.
8. [ Ms. Main ]
Advantages... a. She is the one you respect. b. She probably may know about the others but might not care. c. She has all the qualities you want in a female. d. You've been with her forever.
Disadvantages... a. She starts getting very suspicious and calls you every moment. b. She will devise a plan to catch you in your act and then kick your ass
9. [ Ms. Psycho ]
Advantages... a. She's fun and spontaneous. b. She's down to earth. c. She loves you unconditionally. d. Everything about her is too good to be true. So everyone loves her. e. She makes you feel loved.
Disadvantages... a. Don't you break up with her. She will stalk your ass. b. She keeps pictures of you everywhere and knows everything about you. c. She can manipulate the hell out of you. d. She will consider herself wifey even if she may just be that chick on the side. e. Fuckin' with her can make your life a living hell.
10. [ Ms. I have a Man ]
Advantages... a. She may have a man but she'll mess with you anyway. b. She looks good. c. You have an intense night of passion with her.
Disadvantages... a. She'll always come crying to you about the problems with her man. b. She'll get you caught up and then leave you anyway for her man. c. If you piss her off she'll get her man to come beat your ass. d. She'll unofficially make you her man once she gets pissed off at her real man.
11. [ Ms. Tease ]
Advantages... a. She's tempting and a nice piece of eye candy. b. She's intelligent, athletic, respectable and SEXXXXXXY. c. She knows how to turn you on without touching you. d. Everything she does is just so sensual. e. She can bring you to that point and make you wait to get it. f. Every time you see her you catch a mini orgasm. g. Every nigga wants her b/c she's so mysterious and that makes you want to get her first.
Disadvantages... a. NO matter what you think or do you never get it. b. She probably has a long distance boyfriend somewhere that you will never know about. c. She gets you hard and leaves you like that. (Unbearable)
12. [ MRS. RIGHT ]
Advantages... a. She is not sexy, fine, or a dyme she is Beautiful and therefore encompasses all of these descriptions. b. She is intelligent, sassy, funny, outgoing, determined, strong and classy. c. She can cook or at least order a meal that is just like your mother's. d. Her personality is just as beautiful as her body. e. She believes in God and follows his virtues. f. She knows that a relationship requires a 200% quota yet she gives her man an extra 10%. g. She can please her man in anyway. Mentally, Spiritually, and Sexually. h. She makes you recognize your full potential as a man and completes you. i. She's always there for you no matter what, anytime anyday anyreason. j. She's not afraid to tell you the truth and set you straight. k. You can talk to her and confide in her, she's your best friend. l. You love being around her more than your boys. m. You can share your most intimate moments with her without sex. n. You can have a bad argument with her and have the BEST Mind Numbing and passionate love making fest ever. o. She's always willing to find a way to work out your problems and will often put up with most of your shit. But she's also intelligent enough to leave. p. She's nothing like any other girl you've met. She's your woman.
Disadvantage...
a. You've probably met her, or had her in your life but got too consumed with all the other types that you let her go!!
1. Only drunk dial when you are drunk. Everything else is false advertisement.
2.It is okay to call someone 27 times in one night. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.
3.If you are going to drunk dial a family member, say something nice. Ex. "Mom I'm in McDonald's and they're playing our song. I love you"
4.Dirty talk while drunk dialing is always preferred. Who doesn't want to hear your best raspy, phone sex voice at 3 in the A.M. asking to bend them over something.
5.Voicemails are always better. This way your friend can let their friends have fun at your expense for days, even weeks to come.
6.Drunk texting is alright... If you are prepared to read what you wrote the next day when you are sober.
7.It is definitely a good idea to call all of your exes and remind them that you were the best lover they've ever had and everything they know, they learned from you. This way you can sleep well at night.
8.You can also call this same ex and let him know, that you know, that he still loves you. Then explain to him that I would still love me too!
9.If you are a frequent dialer, never get mad if someone dials you. Be happy they thought of you in this special time.
10.It is always a good idea to sing on someone's answering machine or voicemail. Especially a show tune.
11.Drunk dialing should be fun and light hearted or dirty and sex crazed... Never angry.
12.Most likely you will never drunk dial your best friends. They are usually the ones taking your phone away and reminding you that "you have a problem".
13.If you deleted a number sober, it was probably for a good reason. Do not try to retrieve this number. Nothing good can come from it.
14.Always call someone you know. Finding random numbers in phone books is bad and usually leads to angry dialing.
15.If your cell phone dies, remember everything happens for a reason. Never borrow a friend's phone to do your dialing.
16. Drunk dialing to foreign country is usually too costly to be a good idea. But if feel like if you don't call this person you'll just die, break rule 15 and use a friend's phone.
17.Drunk dialing may lead to drunk muffin stuffing.... Be prepared.
18.When dialing remember that "hanging out" at 3 in the A.M. usually doesn't involve cards it's probably going to be more like cheap lube and handcuffs. So be prepared when you really do want to play X-box when your drunk..... "you want me to do what with your box? Play with it?"
19.Don't drunk dial in the pool, tub, or rainstorm. It only ends up with you blow drying your phone when your far to drunk to be using electronics and you wont be able to drunk dial anymore that night.
20.Never, I repeat, never drunk dial your boss, preacher-grandpa, or friend's parents. If you are that hard up to call someone, there is an 800 number on MILLER LITE boxes. The person on the other line always sounds cute, plus I think they are used to drunk dialers
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because
if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot
live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I
can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be
skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff,"
-- Mariah Carey [now we know why she's such a sensitive actress]
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your
life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal
antismoking campaign.
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-- Dan Quayle [days like this....I really miss Dan]
"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another"
-- George Bush, US President
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman
Einstein,"
-- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
-- Dan Quayle
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I
didn't study my Latin harder
in school so I could converse with those people."
-- Dan Quayle, VP [I mean it, I really do miss him!]
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago!"
-- Dan Quayle, VP
"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself.
It is different from the other 49 states.
Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."
-- Dan Quayle, VP [they made him swim home after that one]
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received
notice that you passed away. May God bless
you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
-- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr.
Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the
police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the
police farce."
-- Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to
bed and it will monitor their heart
throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be
a record."
-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman [and they'll cut off your food stamps]
And below:- how stupid do manufacturers think we are!
Subject: Instructions
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions
on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (and that's the only time I
have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside." (the shoplifter special?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and
you thought?..)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this
because?....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as
opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals."
(..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
You are Phoebe ''Weatherfield'' Caulfield. You are Holden's 10 year old sister. You're extremely smart for your age, but no one really realizes it except Holden. Still, even he has a hard time accepting your advice.
You like to write and you change your middle name every other week.
You've got red hair and you love Holden more than anything. You are Holden's favorite person, but can annoy him with your stubborn-ness sometimes.
You like the merry-go-round in Central Park.
You are Huge Boobs! Wow. I mean, wow. Do you have any trouble walking upright? You are immensely popular and everyone wants to shake hands, as it were, with you.
You are Marilyn Monroe. You're a sexy bombshell who knows how to get what she wants, but sometimes people underestimate you or misread you and you're seen for one thing instead of all that you are. You can actually be very shy and hard on yourself, and feel that sexiness is all you have to offer to people. You will have your success but be careful that you don't let anything consume you completely. Feel better about how smart you are.
1. Who was the last person you got angry with? myself probably...
2. What is your weapon of choice? knife... i have a thing with stabbing
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? f*ck yeah!!! weaker sex, my *ss!
4. How about of the same sex? like a cat fight? i would... but i never have... sounds kinda fun...
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? my boyfriend for telling him how random guy friends would ask me out and how i didnt want to chill with them because i like kyle too much... he just ended up mad and misses my point... honesty isnt the best policy somtimes
6. What is your pet peeve? lying... and stupid girls
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? i keep em in my pocket all the time... haha... i say that i forgive but i never forget... EVER!
SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? exercise... yeah im getting flubber-infested
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? probably 12 something but that was cuz i stayed up on the phone with kyle till 6 in the morning... but that was a long time ago...
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't. The HE kids... i miss them...
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? "maybe they are busy with school and stufff... i'll wait for summer" (newsflash: its summer break for us already)
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? if those candid videos are informercials, then yea
6. When was the last time you got a good workout? february...
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? i woke up at 8 because i had a dream about gingerbread men... i cant sleep as much anymore... no need for alarm clocks since its summer
GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? i like kelly's oreo mocha freeze2. Meat eaters: what about them? im one of em
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? alcohol... *gag* in my entire life, the most i ever drank or put together would add up to one smirnoff bottle...
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? im hopeless but i sure should try, huh?
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? doesn't everyone? i dont know one person who is happy with their weight, even skinny girls...
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? i love salt... haha... but sweet stuff is aight too
7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "LUNCH!"? nope... that would be WAY too weird of me
LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? like completely? i guess 7... haha...
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? heehee... 5
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? yes but randomly having no sexual intetntions behind it
4. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? hmm, the first thing i notice about a guy is his hair... i have a thing for stomachs and lips tho...
5. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? not yet.
6. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? i didnt HAVE to but you need a pap smear in order to get the pill... and they check for STD's
GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? lucky for me, none
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? forever 21 or windsor... *drool... i love clothes there... i can spend a million dollars in a day in stores like that
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? i thought i answered that... haha. actually, i would buy my parents a house and a car... buy my bf a car... and after buying myself a place and a new car, i'd go on a shopping spree in those 2 places
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? rich because mc hammer was famous but he's bankrupt... sometimes you just need money...
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? im living proof of that
6. Have you ever stolen anything? i accidentaly took a keychain cuz i was playing with the little magnetic pen and putting hairstyles on the bald man
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? my mp3s are on 3 computers but all together... at least 700
PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? i didnt end up killing myself
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? getting straight A's before or at least staying near the 4.0 gpa
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? love and happiness
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? depends on what... if its not that important, then second is just as good...
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill? haha
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? who hasnt....haha *glares at someone elses coputer to compare the answer to this question*
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? woke up at 8 on my own when i didnt hafto... maybe i should be ASHAMED that im such a loser
ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? tina's car
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? tina or janice, my other sister... they seem to have such perfect lives
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? someone beautiful... being smart and oddly funny doesnt get you places sometimes
4. Have you ever been cheated on? unfortunately...
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? all the time...
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? the ability to talk... i can write bullsh*t but i cant verbally bullsh*t...
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? this quiz is pointless... why would i?
Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? i suppose Lust!
